Number 228 - May 2002

Humorous Quotations About Computers
A computer is like an Old Testament God, with a lot of rules and no mercy. -- Joseph Campbell     A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history--with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. -- Mitch Ratliffe     A human being is a computer's way of making another computer. Yes, we are their sex organs. -- Solomon Short     All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can't get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer. -- IBM computing machine maintenance manual, 1925     Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. -- Pablo Picasso     Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf. -- Sam Ewing     Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to virgins. -- Robert Heinlein (The Moon is a Harsh Mistress)     Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. -- Jeff Pesis	Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft...and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. -- Werner von Braun     No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what it's doing; but most of the time, we aren't either. -- Marvin Minsky     One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse. -- Jack Handey     There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer. -- J. H. Goldfuss     They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction. -- Janet Reno     The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. We're computer professionals. We cause accidents. -- Nathaniel Borenstein     To err is human--and to blame it on a computer even more so. -- Robert Orben     Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea--massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it. -- Gene Spafford     Wow! They've got the Internet on computers now! -- Homer Simpson
Number 228 - May 2002