Number 242 - July 2003

Computers are Like Hammers
by Brent Ozar (brento@brentozar.com) ACGNJ News February 2003
So you're just getting started with your home computer, and you want to know what it's for, how to work it, and where to put the quarters. As it turns out, your computer doesn't need quarters to run: it takes bills, preferably twenties and fifties. That's what the slots on the front are for. No? Well, I can't fool you, smart reader. Instead, I'll give you my favorite analogy: computers are like hammers.    If you buy your hammer at a chain store, don't expect a tutorial. The guys in the hardware department don't necessarily know how to build a tree house. Similarly, if you buy your computer at a big monster chain store, don't expect the sales staff to hold your hand while you learn to surf the Internet. And don't go to a construction site looking for help, either. While the big burly guys in the hardhats appear to be standing around with nothing to do, that doesn't mean they have time to show you how to use your new hammer.    To get up to speed, you'll want to watch some Discovery Channel or TLC shows, maybe read some home improvement books, and talk with your friends. Computers are the same way: if you interrupt a professional at work, they'll use many of the same gestures you saw that time you cut off the quad-cab pickup with guys on their way to the job site. Instead, I'd suggest heading over to HAL-PC [or ACGNJ--see our guru list].    Over the long run, you'll spend more on nails. It's hard to comprehend that one human being could ever pound thousands of nails in, but if you use your hammer regularly, you'll do it. Plus, you'll buy different kinds of nails for different tasks. As you're holding the receipt for your brand new computer , it might be hard to imagine ever spending that much on accessories, but you'll do just that. Between the printer cartridges, software, computer desk, and monthly Internet bills, you'll spend more on upkeep than you did the initial purchase. There are different hammers for different jobs. Don't buy a sledgehammer when you 're just starting out--but don't be surprised if you pick one up later. Until a couple of years ago, my mom's only use for a hammer was to wave it menacingly at me as an incentive to hang pictures for her. As a result, she had a small hammer that accomplished her needs. In the last year, though, she' s become a feminine Norm Abrams, redoing her cabinets, installing wood floors, and even knocking out a wall. (Intentionally, no less!) She's graduated to not just one, but several professional hammers. At the same time, two years ago, she went online only now and then, and she didn't even have her own computer. Today, she has a full-blown home network, complete with a desktop in her home office, a wireless router, and a laptop that she can carry anywhere around the house and stay online.    Don't use your hammer as something it's not, like a fly-swatter. Why spend fifty cents on a cheap plastic flyswatter when you've got your cool new steel hammer? Because while a hammer could technically function as a flyswatter, it would miss most of the time, and it would leave little dents behind every time you try to murder Mr. Fly. There's software out there that will turn your computer into an answering machine. Don't try to replace your $50 appliance with your new $1,000 computer. Your computer will do a bad job of it, and it will hamper your computer from doing the things it actually does well.	Don't steal nails, even though they're cheap and easy to hide. Whenever you need to build something, you could easily stroll into Home Depot, fill your pocket with nails, and walk right out the front door. They'd never know, and they certainly couldn't prove that you didn't bring them in. You might even justify it by saying you wanted to check the quality of those nails before you bought them. But it's still wrong. There are web sites online where you can download pirated software--that's the computer term for stolen. This is stealing, plain and simple, and as a guy who makes his living from writing computer software of various sorts, I can tell you that we need to eat just like you do. Stealing software is no different than stealing nails.    Finally, knowing how to use one makes you feel like Tim Taylor on ToolTime. Wielding tools makes you feel powerful, not to mention eager to pass your newfound knowledge on to others. The more you learn about your computer, the more you'll enjoy that same sense of self-accomplishment. Every now and then, look back at your early computing days and take pride in everything you've been able to do. See, you can teach an old dog new tricks!    Brent Ozar is a HAL-PC member, web developer and network admin. He lives with his girlfriend, two turtles, and the sad knowledge that he will never kick his coffee habit.
Number 242 - July 2003